I have wanted to write another in-depth post on babywearing for quite some time. As most of my friends and family know, wearing my babies, studying babywearing, and making baby carriers has been a hobby of mine since Kathleen was a newborn.
While I have a whole other post about why I started wearing Kathleen, the short story is that I wanted to look fashionable, breastfeed discreetly, and have an interesting but simple project to sew on my new sewing machine. I think I've been able to accomplish all of those things as I often get compliments on my baby carriers (both DIY and others); I've had several occasions where people have been shocked to find out I'm breastfeeding inside of my baby carrier; and to this day, I'm still sewing baby slings. This week, I made and/or adjusted 4 different baby carriers.
But, I want to talk about babywearing out of necessity. For most Western babywearing women, wearing your child is usually a result of embracing attachment parenting philosophy. With all of our swings, car seat carriers, jumperoos, pack n' plays, pacifiers, and other parenting aids ,* wearing our children has become a quaint thing of the past, or a parenting practice done by other cultures.
I often talk about how babywearing helped me "survive" the first 6 months with a new baby and an 18 month old who didn't walk very well yet. I often wore one or both children during errands in order to keep them safe and myself sane. More often than not, though, I wore my children for their own emotional comfort since we do not live near a busy road, and with all our modern conveniences, I did not have the same need to wear my children as I went about daily tasks.
My parents recently took a trip to Africa, and my wonderful mother was kind enough to keep her eyes peeled for African women wearing their babies in the traditional torso carry in a kanga. One of the unique things about the torso carry, is that the babies weight is spread throughout the torso, and the shoulders and arms are completely unencumbered. It is truly a working woman's carry. On the trip, my mother took many awesome photos of African women going about their daily lives with their children on their backs. I've spent a lot of time looking at the photos and thinking about the difference between Western childrearing, and other cultures where babywearing is the norm, instead of the exception.
What is most striking to me about babywearing in other cultures, is the active involvement of the child in the parents' daily lives. While I am grateful for the luxuries we Western parents have, we expect mothers to work outside the home (whether or not it's financially necessary), we place our children in the care of others at a very early age (the average maternity leave is 6 weeks), and then our children spend the majority of their time in formative years being shuttled between school and extracurricular activities. While I'm glad that we have opportunities in the Western world that do not exist in developing countries, I think key elements of bonding and family formation are lost in the shuffle.
We live in a culture that encourages fostering childhood independence and supports the idea that children are an unnecessary burden. It's true that many will give lip-service to the idea that children are our greatest gift, etc., but more often than not, society focuses on the demands parenting small children takes on your career, your figure, your other relationships, and your leisure. We are taught to look upon mothering young children as a period of our lives in which we merely struggle survive and then celebrate its end without mourning over the emptiness of our arms as our children grow. This is not to say that I think most Western, career-oriented women love their children any less; rather, I think we've been shamed into suppressing our emotional and physical bonds to the children we nurture in utero for nine months, and then at our breast. While I know the people who dispense such commentary mean well, I constantly receive innocent (and not-so-innocent) comments to remind me that "thankfully" the children will be grown soon, and we can get on with our lives.
On the other hand, I think my fascination with babywearing stems from the fact that mothers and children are meant to be together. When I wear my children, I am giving witness to the fact that my children are an inseparable aspect of who I am and my purpose. This does not denigrate my value as an independent woman, but assists me in fulfilling my vocation. Of course, Emily also plays an integral role in our babywearing relationship for it is her love that transforms me and all that I do.
Finally, even if we Western women do not embrace extensive babywearing in our culture due to our lifestyles, I think even the tiniest bit of babywearing can help restore the balance in our relationships with our children.
*lest you think I'm judging those who utilize such useful items, I am proud to say that we have or have had all the contraptions listed above - they can come in handy!
